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FINALS WEEK is upon us. ARE YOU?

June 8, 2011

For all of you who are struggling in your American Heritage class–for all of you who are depending on other students doing even worse than you to bring down the curve–here’s a practice exam that should bring you up to speed. If you’ve yet to take the American Heritage class, this activity should help you understand what you are likely to encounter on an exam. Be a good friend–send this to others who are in need of a “brush up” before finals. Take luck!


Choose the MOST accurate answer

1. What is freedom?

a. Being “free”

b. Being not “unfree”

c. Not being the opposite of not being “anti-unfree”

d. Liberty

e. The absence of oppression

f. A natural right

g. A more natural right

h. The most naturalest right

i. Slavery

j. Bondage

k. I and J

l. B and J

m. All of the above except A

n. All of the vowels.

o. Freedom

2. Who was the fellow who liked to write and wore a giant powdered wig?

a. James Wilson

b. Thomas Jefferson

c. James Wilson

d. Thomas Jefersen

e. Thomas Jeffersin

f. Tom Jeffreys

g. Thomas, Jeffer’s Son

h. The guy who wrote the Declaration of Independence

i. George Foreman

j. James Wilson

3. What is in my pocket?

a. A yo-yo

b. Chapsssssstick

c. The ring of power

d. A piece of peanut brittle and an invitation to a party

e. Some tots

4. What is your favorite color?

a. Peewee-Curtled Fudge-it Brown

b. Tickle-me-Pink’nPurple’nSweaty

5. What?

a. What?

b. …

6. Say “knock knock”

a. knock knock

7. “Who’s there?”

a. Pile up

b. Pile up

c. Pile up

8. Which one is correct?

a. All of the below are correct

b. None of the above are correct


1. The correct answer is p: “none of the above.” You may be wondering why that wasn’t one of the options. Maybe now you’ll understand that Freedom is hard to come by.

2. The correct answer is c: James Wilson. If you chose one of the other two decoy “James Wilsons,” you were wrong. If you chose Thomas Jefferson, THINK AGAIN! Wilson’s powdered wig was significantly larger than Jefferson’s. If you chose one of the misspelled Jefferson’s, you are illiterate and an idiot. If you chose George Foreman, you are not necessarily illiterate, but definitely an idiot, because George Foreman is black, bald, and sells grills.

3. The correct answer is o: Freedom

4. You should not have chosen either of these strange colors. If you did, CONGRATULATIONS, you’ve automatically failed the test.

5. The answer to number five is beyond the scope of this course.

6. Bad joke. Fail.

7. Tacky. Fail.

8. The answers contradict each other, stupid. Thank goodness we didn’t have rely on you to found this nation.


© Trent R. Leinenbach, Ashen Apples, 2011.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. June 8, 2011 11:24 am

    This is fantastic! See, you’re funny! You’ve got DC moxy and it’s just too true. (:

  2. June 8, 2011 11:25 am

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh My Gosh!!! This is the Best thing Ever!!! I hated, hated, hated American Heritage. You should send this to the Professors/Dean of the College and give them a taste of your witty social commentary. I will never forget the ‘C’ they gave me on my paper. They gave me a ‘C’! It’s a FREAKIN’ 100 LEVEL CLASS BY GEORGE!!!!! GRADE IT THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!

  3. June 8, 2011 12:39 pm

    I remember when you made this test freshman year 🙂 good times… HOBO!

  4. June 8, 2011 4:39 pm

    Um…I love everything about this. So glad you’re blogging. I am already a faithful reader!

    • June 8, 2011 7:17 pm

      Wow thanks Cecily! I hope you continue to enjoy it. Hope everything is going great with you!

  5. June 11, 2011 10:03 pm

    Aaaaaaaand now Mallory’s officially addicted to Trent’s blog. HA! This slayed me, Trent, and I’m a squirmy, devious opponent in battle. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have the rest of your blog to peruse. 🙂

  6. Pete Larkin permalink
    May 19, 2013 9:51 pm

    Wish I had read this when I was taking AH. Can’t believe I even passed the class.

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