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July 11, 2011

Kalman awoke with his left arm missing clear up to the shoulder. He pulled on his pants with one hand and buttoned his shirt by placing his first and second finger on either side of the buttonhole, and forcing the button through with his thumb.

His mother had prepared him breakfast, but he knew his arm wouldn’t last long without him, so he stuck a crisp slice of bacon into his mouth, grabbed a piece of toast, and ran out the door.

Kalman’s friends and coworkers were alarmed to find his arm missing, but a desire to be polite kept them from prying when he answered that the whole thing must have been some huge mistake.

That evening, despondent and alone, Kalman trudged down the sidewalk toward his home. Just then a long, black car slowed to a stop beside him, and a black-suited man stuck his head out the window. “Are you Kalman Q. Levay? I see. Well son, we have something for you.” And with a fatherly smile, he extended a long brown package out the window, wrapped with twine. A note, attached with a string, read,

…………..For: Kalman C. Levay.

…………..Please use caution in the future.


………. …The Federal Department of Hand and Arm Returns.

For the first time in his life, Kalman understood the great need for the FDHAR.


© Trent R. Leinenbach, Ashen Apples, 2011

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